


Baby Step by Baby Step

by RootsArrow (SparklingDarkAngel)



Series: Malec Hurt/Comfort [6]
Category: The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Insecure Magnus Bane, M/M, book malec, city of ashes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 15:51:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20392237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparklingDarkAngel/pseuds/RootsArrow
Summary: A vulnerable moment shared between Magnus and Alec after the fearless rune almost causes Alec to out himself.





	Baby Step by Baby Step

**Author's Note:**

> I know the rest of this series has been based off of show malec, but I was needing some soft book malec after finally reading The Bane Chronicles.

The guilt was written all over Alexander’s face as he flopped down onto Magnus’s bed, looking defeated. All Magnus wanted to do was smooth the worry lines from his incredibly attractive face and reassure him that everything was alright, but he was unsure how his touch would be received. Instead, he settled for sitting down next to the young shadowhunter, looking down at his blue-eyed boy with sympathy. At 400 years old, Magnus understood the fear and the pain of being judged for your sexuality better than anyone. 

He knew what he was getting himself into when the young shadowhunter asked him out. Nephilim culture was cruel. The chilling screams of Edmund Herondale still haunted his dreams occasionally; a shadowhunter forced to go through the torturous process of derunement and exiled, all for loving a mundane woman who would not ascend and choosing her over his perceived obligation to the Clave. If other nephilim found out that Alec had been secretly dating Magnus, the younger boy could be in serious trouble. 

Still, to hear Alexander so desperately deny their relationship to his own parabatai, who already obviously knew and didn’t care, stung. Despite how Alec cared for him, he still harbored feelings for the golden boy. A white hot flash of jealousy rose up within him, threatening to choke him, but he shoved it back down instantly. 

After all, with the fearless rune on his arm, it wasn’t Jace he was about to confess his love to. It was his feelings for Magnus that he almost confessed right to his parents. It made his heart feel warm to know that under the fear, Alec wanted his parents to know not just that he was gay, but that he was in a relationship with Magnus. And that made seeing his fear reemerging hurt all the more. 

“You knocked me out before I could say anything,” Alexander stated, sounding confused. “Why?”

Magnus reached to the nephilim and gently traced the remains of the fearless rune with his pointer finger. Alec leaned into the touch, sighing softly. “Because, angel, when you come out, it’s going to be because you want to, not because some experimental rune made you.”

For some reason, this only seemed to make Alec feel worse. His face crumbled as he looked up at the warlock. “I want to,” he said, sounding very small. “I want them to know who I am, who I l- who I want to be with.”

As the l slipped from his lips, Magnus stifled the sharp intake of air his body reached for. Could Alexander ever love him some day? “I understand,” Magnus replied soothingly. “And you have every right to feel afraid or unsafe. I know the nephilim can be harsh.” That was putting it mildly.

Alexander groaned and rolled onto his stomach. Without thinking much of it, Magnus reached out with his perfectly manicured nails to scratch his back in nice, calming patterns, sigils for peace and love he wouldn’t understand. He could feel the shadowhunter’s muscles beginning to release. The shadowhunter was silent for a moment before speaking up again, sounding even smaller. “I don’t know why you put up with me.”

“I’m where I want to be,” Magnus answered, plain and simple. Alec looked up at him like he didn’t really believe him. The warlock reached down to stroke his cheek and cradle his face. Alec always put on a brave face for the rest of the world, even for his own parabatai. It was only with Magnus that he took that mask off and showed his insecurity, yet he was still unable to break through that final wall. The young shadowhunter continued to believe the worst of himself: unloveable, unworthy, not good enough, dispensable, and so on. Magnus ached to tell Alexander the truth, that he loved him deeply, but he was sure that would scare the shadowhunter off. 

After a minute, Alexander’s blue eyes closed as he settled into Magnus’s touch. This was how he was going to get his shadowhunter to believe him, baby step by baby step. Accepting comfort had never been a strong point of Alec’s, and Magnus knew better than to push. He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on Alec’s forehead. “Get some sleep, angel,” he said softly. “I have a feeling tomorrow’s going to be a big day.”

“They’re all big days lately,” Alexander grumbled as he laid back. “You should follow your own advice. Who knows what next magical emergency will be next?”

Magnus grimaced, trying not to think of Alec bleeding out on his couch. The truth was, he was a bleeding heart. He fell too fast and had never been able to resist a soul in need. Even when the wife of Valentine Morgenstern showed up at his doorstep, he didn’t have it in him to turn her away. He laid down next to Alec, not having enough magic or energy to change himself into something more comfortable. 

The young shadowhunter timidly pulled up the blankets up around them, even reaching over Magnus’s shoulder to tuck him in, which made the warlock’s insides melt. “Sleep well, Magnus,” he said before reaching over to turn off the light. 

“Sleep well, Alexander,” Magnus responded softly, in awe of just how gently the soldier in front of him treated him. With the last bit of energy he had, he reached out with his last reserve of magic to sedate the anxious nephilim, ensuring that he would get a restful night’s sleep. Completely spent, the warlock passed out next to him, only to be tortured by his dreams of Edmund. 

He and Alec would get there eventually, baby step by baby step.


End file.
